On a more personal front, I entertained an absolutely noxious thought line today. I have no idea why (the old man rears his ugly head—why can't he just stay dead). And, though God and I had a long conversation about it (in which I offered my pathetic apology and He offered His astounding patience and unyielding grace), I'm still fighting feelings of distance.
It is amazing how quickly one can lose a sense of closeness with another, that is, with God and with other people. Gaining relational ground seems so difficult at times. But losing it—the most simple thing in the world.
As for God, I know the closeness, the intimacy is not really gone. I'm not talking realities, just feelings. Still, feelings are powerful and the way we respond to them can very much shape our realities.
People? Well, that's another story entirely. Unfortunately, MANY people equate feelings with reality. If they feel a certain way about something or someone then that is the way it is. They cannot be convinced otherwise until something causes them to feel differently.
I read this today. Haven't yet wrapped my head around all that is here. But it seems somehow apropos.
John 8
31 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
33 “But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?”
34 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. 35 A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. 37 Yes, I realize that you are descendants of Abraham. And yet some of you are trying to kill me because there’s no room in your hearts for my message. 38 I am telling you what I saw when I was with my Father. But you are following the advice of your father.”
39 “Our father is Abraham!” they declared.
“No,” Jesus replied, “for if you were really the children of Abraham, you would follow his example. 40 Instead, you are trying to kill me because I told you the truth, which I heard from God. Abraham never did such a thing. 41 No, you are imitating your real father.”
They replied, “We aren’t illegitimate children! God himself is our true Father.”
42 Jesus told them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, because I have come to you from God. I am not here on my own, but he sent me. 43 Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me! 44 For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me! 46 Which of you can truthfully accuse me of sin? And since I am telling you the truth, why don’t you believe me? 47 Anyone who belongs to God listens gladly to the words of God. But you don’t listen because you don’t belong to God.”
I am amazed at how quickly we digress from "Jesus said to the people who believed in him" to "but you don’t listen because you don’t belong to God." What's up with that? Seems all He was really asking them to do was be free and, in response, they outright denied their very need for freedom. They didn't feel bound so they must not be. Right? I wonder if the inverse is true? If I don't feel close or righteous or free... hmmmm... what does that mean?
1 comment:
It is hard to accept freedom because it means we have to leave what we know, what we feel is secure. That is how I felt when I left the call cener. Now that I am free though... it feels great, but taking the steps to get there were hard hard hard.
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